My brain is on...

It never seems too rest...

Sometimes the mind in my brain

Is under duress no stress

But of somewhat a scary

Conclusion

I hope this is not a delusion

But its beyond consuion...

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Read inbettween

Im in my mind

At this time

I think of dissimilarities

And similarities of my life

Between days

Months

And

Years

I smile more now these days

For some reason im no longer

Afraid of anything

Im in my head so much

It sometimes

Feels like there is

No truth to reality

When. My thoughts

Of pure fantasy

Come to true reality....

*Sighs deeply*

My thoughts are become

Of an extreme frenzy of

Goodthings....

*Smile*

Just because I can

Sometimes I truly have no reasons...

But if u asked me I could give you one...

*looks down looks up*

         *smiles*

He

undERstands ...

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true ish

My heart is heavy and im trying to find a place too lay .. so many emotions I don know how to convae ...my mind is on a road of distruction...I continue to live in the world of what ifs and maybes...although I've gotten better at at loving me...sometime I feel like I wanna give my love too thee so much to spread ...but there is a large voice in my head reminding me...of what can't be...why I shouldn't and what's really good for Me...and that's me...so as my heart gains weight and my mind trys too vacate..ill will just wait until what's for me shows its face...with nothing too be misconstrued...or misplaced...until it shows up with much dissimilararity and plenty of grace...ill wait...because I know that I deserve purity and true bliss..honesty and a lingering kiss...to be loved with out a what if or maybes...

AAM

In my mind
Im confused
Or maybe
Im not
Something in me
Is beyond
Ready to
Jus be
Tired of
Caring
In a
Not so
Caring way
Toward me
Your right
Maybe it took
You to be full
For me to see
How insecure
I can be
But I cant
Be no more
So im offically
Closing that door
Because im ready too

feeling myself

In a place where
I feel secure about me
Know that I am more then
Just a person
Im a goddess of life
Im gonna be someones wife
Ive found no reason to have
So many insecurities
For I am me
Plain and simply
And Im ok with that fact
In a matter of not
Caring but
Still loving hard
No disregard
But on so me ish
I hope you see this...

all smiles

My eyes
Not at all
Surprised by
What they fall
Upon
You can only
Get lemonade from
Lemons so I say
Why try another way
Way beyond
My boundaries
But what are
They really
Trying to
Understand
This disguised
Bliss that I
Claim to feel
No need too
Feel uneasy cause
I know whats real
Been here before
Not for any type of
Monopoly
Or
Chutes and Ladders
I don wanna hear
Chitter or
Chatter
I dont care to
Know who what
When and where
Cause either
Way truth is an issue
Cause I wasnt there
Actions speak
Beyond what any word
Can spew
Although I could
Think of a few
That may be unkind
Ill smile and keep
Them too self
And let them fester
In my mind cause oh
My when its time...
We will see
Whats what
And where to
Rewind...

ijs

Constancy deserves consistency

One can loose interest
Become distant
its ok
Inconstancy deserves inconstancy

......been here

Its hella dusty
So imma wait till
It settles
Then imma
Settle it
Patience
Is my value
To many its a
Virtue
Let me school you
I can be
What need be
Weather it
Fly from a tree
See Im a women
Of so many diffrent
Realities
So for sure imma be
I live in my
Own world
Just give a lil
More time
To see...

You dont know me till you know me

Im not as black and white as I seem
There are tricks to my trade
I may seem scared
But im not afraid

In my life ive seen
Way more dark
Then I have seen light
And because of this
I have in me much fight

Ive come to a breaking point
But too me that was a waste
Even after I give so much
And all most do is
take take take.....
I learn from my mistakes...
Although I was a crack baby
I feel I turned out great

So plz just dont underestimate

Hired

Playing in the background
Cause thats where I choose too be
The spotlight is just
A lil bit much for me

I know my position
But I play it carefully
Never know
When it will be taking
Especially
When your only a temp
In a well know agency

Hopefully a position
Of permanency will
Soon be availible

So many options but
Im waiting for that
One call
That says I want it all

But until then Ill
Play my temporary
Position

Just

My heart hurts
Just a little
I feel like
My life is like
A fiddle
The only thing
That can happen
To a fiddle
Is that it can be played
Over and over again
Until it breaks
But the diffrence is
You cant get a new
One once you make
Mistakes
I have so much to give
And everytime to do
At the end I don wanna live
I feel like I just want too much
That why I say fuck it
Just pass me the dutch
And with every pull my mind
Becomes at ease
Until I come down
And then my minds
Like geez
Not this shit again
So I light another until I slip into
A clear mind
Full of nothing

I love too hard too fast
My mind say no
But my heart wants to make it last
I pass by
I love love
So im willing to give it a try
Screaming for someone to understand me
Tired of being played
I just want some reality

Do you feel me?

Can you honestly say
That you really know
Can you feel what I feel
And its intensity
Do you realize
That my mind has
Once brought me to
A place of true insanity
Where my life
Ment truly nothing too me
Dose and one really here
Me
When I scream
I feel like a mute
Stuck under a tree
That just so happen to fall
On me
I know I can be who I use to be
Because it hurts
Too much
See
I take more then I can handle
My life is like a scandal
Its hard being me
I swear its not easy
Being someones only reason
Being someones everything
Being everyones perfect picture
Being your mothers mother and
Your mothers sister
Being the crutch or
The listener
I just want someone to truly feel me
Just open your eyes wider to see..
Push pass the smile and look deep
Can you honestly say you see what I
Seek

..looking

I have a sick feeling
But it seems to be passing
Im asking myself why
I get no answer I just keep asking
Everything seemed to clear
But truly nothing is black & white
Once the colors came in
It started off dark
Like night
A lil fuzzy at first
Then next thing you
Know there is a burst
Of color
Colors that you never knew
Was there
Because before in
Black and white
They were non-existent
My eyes seem too be
Oggeling
Over the
Ara

Ive seen color before...
I need abstract in my life...
Maybe why this feeling...
Im feeling wont suffice
No need for me to even think twice
I know what I want
And Im destine to get it...
For I know Im chosen for something
Special
Ill never forget it
Realizing my own worth
I dont need a rebirth
Just a lil reminder
And faith
And a eventually
A safe place to lay
My heart

.........

So many things on my mind
Time is something that I can rewind
So I become dormant
To things
I try hard to bring
Out whats inside
So many things reside
I cannot hide
But I try
Because im afraid of my
Disimilarity
Afraid of my own
Inner mystery
That I am beginning to
Discover slowyly
I am coming into me
And hopefully
Someone will love
Thee for that
Without hesitation
Or fact
For that matter
I just want purity
I learning to let
People do them
And just do me

Hear me out

There is something
That needs
To slide off my chest
Full of
So many things
Sadness
And duress
I stay stressed
In a magnitude
That one couldnt
Even guess
So yes
I misplace my anger
Become a stranger
To those who know me best
This thing inside my chest
Is burrowed
Deep with in
Couldnt tell you what
It may be
Resentment
Maybe...
I search till
I have found
And once found
Found I still
Look around
Sometimes making
And then mistaken
I continue breaking
But not broken
Im takin my life
On day at a time
Im not perfect im
Climbin
Im swiming from
Diving
I swear Im
Striving
Trying
To
Be...
Im truly
Compunctious

fly

A gathering
One by one
We come together
In a celebration
Like there has never
Been
As if yesterday
We did
Partake in such
Activities
Inhale like
A mystery
Not sure what
To expect or do
We waiting
To be in a state
That I feel to be
A state of
ecstasy
That is maybe
Cause I never tried it
Besides that
I feel that
Its a fact
For it takes me
To level of understanding

In my mind

This is something
Something that I feel
Like is only a dream
Something I feel
Like will be short lived
But why
Why do I feel
Like nothing is enough
I feel slightly
Rushed
Not big on trust
Somethings are a must
But I much rather
Or do I
Do I really
Rather
Or is it that
I actually fathom
All outcomes
How come I
Cant see it
I feel it I want
To believe it
But it seems so far
Out of my reach
I reach and reach
I seem to sometimes
Get a grip
But then it slips
Then I dip
More like fall
Back to my safe place
Put on my game face
And in the depths of me
I continue to pace

AM

At the quietest moment
Head held high
Your an inner mystery
Faced forward eyes focused
But your mind is racing
I can see your heart
Pacing through
The fog of the early morning
Full warning
A glance as if there was
Never one before
As we approach the sunrise
Another is stolen
Inside there is
Too much to be
Chosen
These moments are
Only muttered for
They are stolen
The silhouette
Of brown eyes
And full lips
Tree after tree
House after house
Yellow line
Sunshine
Rain drop
Or drizzle
More like dizzy
Now to ecstasy
The walk
People always stare
Inquiring minds wanna know
Quite frankly so do I
Stay in sigh mode
In awe is more like it
How did I earn the position
As your personal
Sidekick

translucent

Sitting here thinking
About one thing
N softly I have to catch
Myself at this moment
Worry I will not but
Cautious I will be
Cautiously Im disSimlar
And too often I feel
Unfamiliar
Seems more then peculiar
So much I feel not sure how
To disclose too much I have
EXPOSED
But this time I
Will appose to doing
Whats right
To others
And do what for me
Everyday
Seems like a mystery
Trying to see the inner me
Nothing seem to be clear
See...

here

As I sit here
And think
I wonder
How exactly
Did I get here
Right here in this
Spot in front of this
Computer
Im thinking hard and
I can remember
But what I KNOW
Is that in this very moment
I am happy and I
Dont care
At this very moment
I am here
Waiting for nothing
hoping for...