Down

Never
Cleaver
When it comes
Which way to turn
One day I wont run
Feels like my feet
Are begging to
Slow down
My mind still
Racing
Heart at a halt
On this day
Or any other
Who woulda thought
That one word
Or a sound
One real good look
Around
Could change
Everything
Of my senses
Wit this i am
Senseless
Im not apprehensive
But cautious
Of who I let in
When where
And how
I have offically shut down

I feel like im lost

Im Outta my mind

Is it really this deep

May I've been running

From my feelings

Because im truly have afraid

Of love that's y I love love

I figure if I love it enough

It will love me

Im sad

I feel kinda empty

Not again...

Not this

I feel an aching

pain that's driving

Me insane

I need

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update

So
You wanna know
How im doing
Well Ill put it frankly

Thankfully I still
Have my sanity

Or do I
I don't feel
Nothing
Seems real

Trapped
Inside my
Thoughts of what
Could be

But I see
U were
Never ment for me

Just a small preparation
For what
Should be

Maybe
Hopefully

real shit

Im in A place where
The depths
Of me end
A place of
Transparency
A place full
Of epiphanies
And too many
Things of the unsure
..............................
Its not pure anymore
Feeling like
I walked the plank
And sank into
The abyss of nothingness
Where to begin
Not rembering the end
Nor wanting to start
All over again

In a world where
Everything is
Bland
Life has no taste to me
Living like a robot
Doing only the things
I am programmed to
Hoping that
It would be
Enough to get me
Through
Praying that
This feeling
Of rejection
And regret
Will slip away
With no more
Potency
Hoping
That it will
Leave my
being in an
Expeditious
Manner
...........................
Cause it hurts
See
To the bases
Of numbness
My brain
Seems to carry
More Air
Then care-less
Is my thinking process
Trying to come
Up wit a substitution
Because clearly
There is no solution
Or replacement
To this crazed situation
That I subconsciously
Let penetrate my soul
And slowly
Break down what was
Left of me
...............
But truly consciously
I knew what I was getting
Myself into
I knew
The power of you
And we
I knew
That it was to much bliss
I knew
That it would be to much
For thee
But
I proceeded
Then
I processed
Im confessing
To the confusion
Im owning up to
The delusion
To think that
Two souls
Could mend with no
Hesitation
I give up on thinking that
Fairy-tales
Are anymore then
What they are
.......by far.........
scared
Brusied
Upset
Confused
Time and
Patience
Can only tell
What thee outcome
Of me will be

So unclearly I live silently

Crying
With each step
I make
Feeling like
Its my last
With every breath
I take
Holding on to
The thoughts of
Falling out of love
So i can fall again





 

about to change the game

In a place where
I know that I am
Truly alone
And I am good with that
I am realizing
Things change
As you get older
Time goes by faster
Disasters come and go
Nothing last forever
Love is different now
Life is not as black and white
I feel I have options
I dont settle for the bs
I feel at this time
I dont really have to say yes
Living everyday seems
To be a leaning process
That I dont protest
Something big is about to happen
Because im gonna make it

Realizing i dont need nobody
Forreal
I could do this shit on my own
But it would be nice to share
A place called home
Wit someone you love
But what you want is not always
What you need
I cant make
One want the things
I feel I need
So one step at
A time I will focus
On me
Cause clearly
Im no ones
I belong to me

what happen

You use to tell me everything
You deepest darkest secrets
Now it seems that I have lost
Your sequence
I wanna be you friend and I
Feel like Im loosing that part
Of you
I need you to understand
Your more then just my boo
I worry about
You day in and day out
I know its not easy
Maybe more I
Should ask you what you feeling
About
Everything
I know its had to be you
But its hard being me tooo
Just as you
I have people thats trying
To see what
I bee like
And its not
Just sexual
But my mind is stuck
On you and Im just trying
To get through
I wanna touch you
With my thoughts
I want you to come
To me when it
Hurts to the point
That you cant
Breath
I wanna be
Your everything
Maybe its too much
Maybe what I want is too deep for
Whom is of you
I want something untouchable
Pure and true
At one point of
Our love I thought you
Wanted that tooo

want

You ask
I tell
I wait
I wait
I wait
I wait
You ask
I wait
I wait

Nothing means
What is actually said
Nothing From nothing
Means Nothing
Something
I over it
Tired
Drained
What happened to
Consistency
I guess it found
A new friend indeed
I just wanna friend
Who don wanna
Fuck me
Someone who
Will really listen
To me
ME
The real me
Im always listening
And understanding
Selflessly
Can anyone do the same for me
I wait
I wait
I wait
Then start to think
,Maybe this life anit
For me
Nothing is a clear to me
I just wanna be
Regular me
With out all the bells and whistles
And so much expectancy
With out watching what I say
I just wanna be free
From the underline bullshit
An antics
Im tired of feeling frantic
Walking on eggshells
Feeling unsure
I want stability

butterflies

So even if I wanted to I cant

Smells make me want

Things I cant have

The way the music

Pulsates through

Im being pierced

But I like it

Oh shit

No I dont

I cant

Or can I 

Belonging 

Is something that 

I dont so what diffrence

Does it make

Shivers from

Brushing up against

Don get to close

Cool air on my skin

Pillows dancing down

My body 

What wait 

Dont

Stop

Stimulation

I feel needed

I feel wanted

Haven felt 

This way in a while

This whole I have

Seems to have no 

Place 

I dream in the day time

But reality is

Here 

Ummm....sooooo...yeah....

I know its not just me
I feel to much
I feel Outta touch
I feel like barriers
Are being but up
Love making is not what it
Use to be
It fast
And im
Outta touch wit
Thee
Four play
Is now less
Then three
I know its just not me
Im a personable
person.
So everything
Is taken personally
I remember when
Nothing was a
factor but just u n me
Consistency
That's what it was
..............................
There is truly a distance
Between
What is of us
U can feel it in your
Touch
I know not.
What u want
What im not giving
That ur mind has wondered
Into a realm
That is not of me
I can't do nothing
Different cause ive
Been consistent
see
So for now imma fall back
Literally...

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Untitled

Being in a state
That can't be replaced
My mind is set
On great
But I feel like
Greatness is
so far from me
Things happen for a reason
Im just patiently waiting for my
Season
For my flowers to
Blossom
Into a bouquet
That was perfectly arranged
Just for me
I just want to be
Whatever it is im suppose to
Be
I can't seem to find my nitch
I gotta itch that
I can't seem to reach
There has been
A breach in a
contract that I never signed
Tired of pushing rewind
So I can remember
What went wrong
And try to fix it...
Can't fast forward cause
I don.wanna miss
what's important
.----------------------
But what's really important
What is that one moment that changes
Your life forever
That's what im
Searching
For

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Sighs

Im tired

Of social networks

So I sigh

Im tired

Of people

So I sigh

Im tired

Of unsurity

So I sigh

I don understand

I wish to go back

To when things were more

Meaning full

When u had too

Call to say I love u

Before e mail

I want that old thing

Back

When your word

Was all u had

Where people

Real

I sigh because im sad

At what the world

Has come too

True love don seem real

I wanna feel

Not surf

I wanna understand

Not search

I feel like I was born

In the wrong century

Peace and love

Was ment for me

Im not caring on

How many hits I got

Or who really like me

I don care about rts

And no I don want u to

TAKE A PICTURE OF ME

Ugh

The fakeness is truly

Killing me so I sigh

And hope silently

That one day

The world will return

Love letters

And surprises

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For me

Don't tell me yes

When u really mean no

Don't tell me u will

When u really don know

Living in a sea of confusion

When. Stability

Is what im chasing

If its really up

Don say ur down

Im trapped

Cause I wanna be around

Time is not

What I want it to be

I figured by 25

I would be settled down

I done playing around

But I don feel

like im being felt

I now see y

I stuck around so long

Before

I gave up

Because

Happiness was not my concern

Stability is what

I urned

Still searching

For that pure consistency

One that is not

Of someone else's

Something that's just for me...

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Flatline

...Home is were your heart is...

Not so true

when my heart truly

Resides wit u

So how do I live

Or love

Without my heart

Close by

I

Don't so

slowly

I flat line

Im hooked up

To.machines

Until I can live again..

On auto pilot..

Waiting for my heart to

Return home

Breathing slowly

Try to catch hold

When my heart is near

But it slips from my grip

and out comes a

Tear I fear

So I show no emotion

It not my fault

I can't help whom

My heart has chosen

So I deal and try to

Understand

While my body

Drains

Until I feel like im going insane

Luckily for my heart im strong

I've lived longer without it...

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Sad

Trapped

In my own

Mind

Time after time

I suffer

trying to become

More

Trying to be everything

Y'all want me to be

Confused

Im sad I feel misused

I feel so abused

How do.I escape

Something

Shiny and slippery

Something that will

Slowly rid me of misery

I need a do over

That seems to be my reset

Me letting all the negativty

Drain from thee

Even though

Afterwards

There will

Be

A demarkcation

I will then feel safe again..

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Of ur convince

Convince

Is so convinent

Ain't it...

Man ..

But im tired of being of urs....

Tired of playing in the back

Being the one to pick up slack

Then they reap the benefits

But then again I could be all in my head

Again

Going for broke for dead again

Not

Regretting

Slowly forgetting

the reasons why

I choose to sit below

my royalty

That I have owned on my own

Self proclaimed

Goddess

Extremely

Modest

I feel like im loosing

Myself again

Nothing is to be measured

Because some things cannot be

But

I constantly

Am blinded

I can see through

or past what I know could

truly be

I feel like

Im too big of a

Dreamer

Which is convinent too me

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dealing

From one thing
To another
From my mind
To my heart
There is a constant
Battle
My identity is
Clear but
My position
Is blurry
Need to slow down
I feel like I need
What I need in a
HURRY
Im trying this patient
Thing but I feel like
More than my patience
Is being tested
IM NOT FEELING
IT
But how do I
Get past when I can
I feel like
If one was to walk
In my shoes
Every scenario
Would have different results
But it is of my fault...

Words

My words are not

Urs

They are not gold

My words are simply words

Of my own

They help me

Be

The set me free

Sorry if my

Words are offensive

Too thee

But what else should I say

What will it really be

Because if I don

express my words

Then who's words will the be..

They flow out because

That's how I feel

I can take constructive

Criticism

Tell me what u conceal

Maybe my words don make

It out at the right time

But when they are

Delivered

They are still mine...

Ill respect ur

As I respect u...

My words are not gold

For they are only mine

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Feels

Im trying to hold in

But im emotional

I can't help my feelings

How I love one

So many things I can't

Control

Im not use to not

Having a undoubting

Hold

My mind can't surround

The concepts

That u sometimes

Give

I need u to hear me

My heart can't seem

To live

But my mind

Is in disarray

scrambling to

Pick up the pieces of

Where it went wrong

What did I say

Why cant i just feel...

I've been told at times

Im

T

O

O

Real

That I should censor

How I feel

Too bad that's not

Me

I hope that

One can see

Maybe its not for

We...

Doubting

Undoubtinglly

That I can't see

Which way is up or down

Its all of thee..

U spacelessly surround

I feel like

*singing*

Im going down

......

.

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My Thoughts

Confusion is what enters

My being

Delusions is what

I seem to be having

Under all circumstances

I take so many risk

But having a temporary

Spot

Holds no real

Stature

No matter

whether

Before or

Thee

After math

Never seems to add up

So caught up

Blinded

So sprung

Trying to fill this

Void of feeling

Being in love

constantly

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