Growing Pains

As hard as I try
You stay in the forefront
Of my frontal lobe
The days get harded
The nights get longer
Scared
Because I dont wanna lose
Because I become confused
I love what we have
Im beyond secure
Until I heard someone say
Not so fast there is more
Crossing lines I never drew
What am I to do
Never caught up
I cant claim that
But it does feel like my soul
Is a little outta wack
Happiness is genuie
Love is pure
Everything I wanted
So there cant be more
Anymore and I would be
Drowing in the abyss
Of everything I painted
Life to be
Parts of me wants to run
To many connections
To many losses
So I will stand

How though?

I asked for it
Or did I just know
That it was coming
Like the calm before
The storm
But you never knew
The storm was coming
It wasnt in the forecast
But I knew something was off
Missing
Never a feeling of uncertainty
Or like im missing out
But a whole that
Has never been noticed
Not by one
But a stanger
How is this possible
This life
This thing
Feeling toutured
In my own skin
More like and outter body
Experince that I never
Experinced
Watching my self play a role
That my flesh is not staring in
My soul took over the show
I am but a host for what the soul
Wants Needs and Craves for
How is this possible...

Red

Suffocating
Trying to understand
Where we stand
Every time I think Ive let go
Here you come
Showing up in the most
Subtle ways
Keeping me on my toes
Waiting on the next move
But why
How did I even get here

The more I think about it
The more I wish we never did it
I lost more then anyone could ever imagine
But gained more then I can fathom
Not stuck just curious
Always trying to get a clearer picture
Every time I think I do
It gets misconstrued
To much curiosity
Even though everything is a monstusity
Trying to find the positive
In this unfourtunate position
You put us in
All this means is that
We can never be friends